Someone pass me the toothpicks. I'm struggling to keep my eyelids in the open position, but I have to punch this out on the keyboard before I fall back asleep and this post is erased from my memory like a haphazard dream.
If you're marrying a doctor, there is an IMPERATIVE addition to the future doctor's vows to you. I tell you, if you forget, you will find yourself thinking of me every damn time you find yourself in such a pickle.
Last night, I was asleep by 11pm. I was perturbed to find myself awake at 1:30am. Irritated at 3am, and purely frustrated at 4:30am.
I must have finally fallen back asleep by 5am.
Ahhhhhhh.......
Then...
BUZZZZZZ!!!! RATTLE, RATTLE!!!!! BUZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!
"What the HELL is that," I yell.
Slowly and in a very sleepily voice, Doc H mutters "My beeper on vibrate."
"Dammit!!! I just went to sleep! I've been up since 1:30!!"
I peer at the clock. It's almost five effing thirty in the morning. Dammit to hell in a designer handbag.
Doc H stumbles out of bed, grabs his pager, walks to my side of the bed, grabs our landline phone, and heads into the bathroom to return the page in a good hearted attempt to shield me from the noise of the call.
I grab his pillow and throw it over my head in an effort to find a piece of drowsyland.
Drowsyland is there. I see it. I feel it. I headed it that direction. A wave of happiness wafts over me. I'm going to fit in another hour of sleep before I have to report for Mom duty.
Then...
BEEP! BEEP!... BEEP! BEEP!... BEEP! BEEP!... BEEP! BEEP!... BEEP! BEEP!...
His damn iPhone's alarm! Son of a bee-atch!
So...
In the wedding vows, be sure the future doctor includes:
"...I vow to always carry the pager AND the cell phone as I leave the bedroom to return pages. I promise to turn off all alarms, and any other potentially piercing noise makers every morning as I leave the bed as long a we both shall live. "
This should be a non-negotiable item, my friends. NON-NEGOTIABLE.
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