You lost me at hello when you:

(gathered from a wide range of stories and people. No, they are not all “mine.” Some of them are though *evil grin*)

• denied that tan line on your left ring finger as being from the wedding ring you just shoved in your pocket.
• told me that you broke up with your ex when she “couldn’t lose the baby weight.”
• told me that you broke up with your ex when he bought a Jeep instead of a BMW.
• brought your toy poodle with the “Jimmy Chew” shoe to munch on while we met for our first date.
• your dog stuck his nose right up my mini-skirt.
• greeted me with the words, “I own a Mercedes.”
• compared my recently single self to … “The best parking spot just opened up and this is me pouncing on it. Dinner tonight?”
• wore plaid and paisley together and called it fashion.
• explained that your ex is “crazy.” Apparently he didn’t like you having cyber sex without him.
• watched me fall out of the boat and waited for me to get myself back in. No, no, its okay — I don’t need help. Thanks!
• asked if you could take my picture. naked.
• handed the phone to me when your mom called. On the first date. AND she knew who I was.
• introduced me to your ex as your “orthodontist.” I think the hand holding and your obviously non-braced teeth might have given you away.
• referred to yourself in the third person. Consistently and not in a funny way.
• name dropped people I’d never even heard of. (The funny one? Name dropping my old boss’s name. yes, the one I’m still friends with. She doesn’t know you. I asked.)
• drooled on your shirt while ogling that hottie who just walked by and then tried to excuse it as “I think I know them!” Drool spots are distracting you know!
• told me that your ex was terrible in bed and that is why you decided to try out the neighbor instead.
• grandstanded about your favorite subject, yourself, for three hours without even asking me what I thought of you.
• left your phone number for the waitress when you thought I wasn’t looking.
• couldn’t put away your cell phone even for date night.
• lied. 
• posted a picture of an Abercrombe model as your main head shot on your profile.
• sent our mutual friend a twin text inviting her on a dinner date when I replied 2 minutes earlier “already have plans but next time please…!” 
• wanted to know if I’d noticed how “attracted” you are to me. 
• broke up with me via post it note and “parting gift.”
• told me that your ex liked your penis as much as you do.
• revealed that you think your “substance abuse” issues might hold you back in life but have no plans to do anything about it.
• admired your grandfather for being an “incredible player who could bag any chick he wanted even into his 80′s.”
• forgot to call when you said you would.
• not only stalked me to the ladies room and tried to make out with me, but found the hotel I was staying at and tried to bribe security to show you up to my room a few hours later.
• made date plans with me and brought a date with you. No, I was not talking about a 3-some when I mentioned that I thought she was pretty.
• sent me a picture of your penis. On our first instant messaging conversation.

Feel free to add your own stories…

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