Welcome! This is a safe space where we can talk about everything from the time you accidentally put your coworker into anaphylactic shock (my baaaaad), to the fact that your one toenail falls off every summer (paint that toe anyway, no one’s stopping you). Should you be taking advice from me? Certainly not – I am usually late for work because I’m practicing making faces in the mirror. But let’s get started …

“Am I dating a sociopath?” – TK

I like this. Short. To the point.

Yes, you are.

I mean, I’m kinda kidding, but not really. If you even think you are enough to ask the question, you probably are. Unless you are a cray-zay laday and you are asking this because he-just-doesn’t-want-to-see-you-anymore-so-you-are-accusing-him-of-a-mental-illness-that-will-make-it-easier-to-swallow-that-he-don’t-like-you-no-more. Said it before and I’ll say it again, ummmm, that is MY move.

I have had the tremendous fortune of knowing quite a few of these socies, and I’ve even dated one or two. They are scary, and you can get hurt. It’s tough because they are like, super charming, tho. And they will often prey on your insecurities, both using them to build you up, and then tear you down. Usually, they are also pathological liars (and not in the fun way).

A lovely lil signature of sosh’s is the lack of conscience, shame, guilt, remorse, and empathy. They only really know how to take. Pay attention to how they react to a situation where a person would normally have empathy, especially toward someone they love. Eventually, you will see the cracks start to show. Look closely girl, he’s a robot! You will be “pretty eyes, pretty eyes!”-ing through the next four years (I really want to make a “Duh! Sandmann” joke but I can’t read the room), so get outta there. Women want to fix people, it’s our nature. This isn’t fixable. They will play with you like a cat batting a centipede. Sorry I just called you a centipede, I know that is NOT what you needed right now.

What’s that? You can’t leave him because you sent him naked pics because you are a beautiful, adult, trusting, loving, grown woman who realizes her body will turn to dust in a relatively short period of time and wants to celebrate the beauty of it with someone you care about? He will definitely tell you that he will ruin your rep, or email your parents you slept with someone else, or whatnot. The good news is that’s something a crazy person does!  Normal people don’t send pics of someone they dated to everyone they know. They also don’t usually contact your mom and dad who live in another country and have no idea what is going on. So just by doing that, he is giving credibility to your story that he, indeed, is a little fou à lier.

Here’s the part of my post where I say you are a beautiful, smart, strong, curvaceous (I imagine? But you can send me a pic, promise I won’t email it to your parents) female. You are a queen. Treat people nice, and that includes yourself, female! You deserve someone who won’t abuse that valuable amethyst inside your skull. Polish it up and head out on the town.

But you should also bear in mind that I pretty much constantly diagnose people as having asperger’s or being a sociopath. Sorry, that’s how it works, you are one or the other! It’s like the Salem Witch Trials up in my brain. And if you don’t bring me easter canni, you are next.

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